Here's a recap of what happens in two years of my absence from this site.
Flash news : I got married. Got a kid. Enrolled to a private college. Tried to join a language community and then left by my own. Joined a campus journalist club but got tired of it. Won a short story writing contest once. Worked on a friend's startup but pretty much didn't hear anything else after few months. Disconnected with all my previous online friends. My sister also got married. Played a mobile game just so I have something to talk in common with my brothers. The end.
Damn, why does my writing sucked ass? The previous ones were miles better than this!
Is it because the melancholy of a loser that gives birth to beautiful arrangement of words in his head as he got drowned in depression? Is that it? Am I just naturally talented when I'm at my lowest?
Well jokes aside, when I reflected what happened before 2017 to what happened after 2017, I should say that I really have changed, and probably in a good way.
Despite many difficulties on communication between two newlywed couple at the beginning - mostly from my stubborn and dense side -, my marriage was proven to be a good seed that gives birth to a joyous tree of my own family. My definition of being me is being a husband and a father, and to become a good person I need to become good at both of them, so that's a big reason to stop any melodrama that will only revert me back to my old depressed self.
My campus life is also going well, although it's pretty much going downhill from a perfect 4.00 GPA on the first semester to 3.68 on the third one (at least there's still a chance to get a cumlaude, for whatever worth that title is). I got some younger friends that respect me as their older colleague, and while I can't fully delve into their circle, it's nice enough that everyone didn't feel as distant as my FKUI friends (which as you can guess, has no contact at all with me after I got sick).
Speaking of which, my (beloved) wife's birthday is coming soon around the end of this month, and I still had no money to buy her gift nor idea to write something special to celebrate the day. Also the new semester just got started and looking at the schedule, I have to fight the afternoon traffic jam of the damned city of Jakarta for the next 3-4 months. Such a busy life that successfully made me forgot that I should write when I had the time.
And so here I am. To fill the gap of my story while moving forward at the same time.
Looking back, my past self seemed like a completely different person that I can't recognize. If he was a real separate person, I feel like I want to try to extend my hand and lift him up. Despite fighting with everything that made his world colorless, I'm sure that deep inside, we still hold to the same motto that we keep saying to ourselves for many times to come.
"It'll work out somehow."
And somehow, it indeed works.
Thanks for trying to keep on living, me.
